Things

inspired by The Dog Pillow Book


Dangerous Things

beautiful, stupid people
secrets
needles in haystacks
Ron Paul
people who want to "talk to you about something"
socks filled with bars of soap/change
America's Foreign Policy
credit/debit cards
Wikipedia
cheap toilet paper
singularly sold hot wings dubbed "insanity" that cannot be purchased until a waiver has been signed which dictates possible internal and external tissue damage
my ego


Disagreeable Things

wise, ugly people
wet shoes
customer service representatives
alarm clocks
know-it-alls
syringes
splinters
sticky floors
flatulent friends
$1-plus cups of coffee
buying water
the Disney Channel


Things one would like to send away

the Disney Channel
flatulent friends
roommates
all vanity license plates -- no one gets them but you...
speeding tickets
a certificate to redeem lots of free things
laundry to be done
that girl
responsibility
Aunt Flo
Hipster Hippies, who are only hippies b/c they think it'd be cool. (their food is more organic than they are. ZING!)


Things the bigger the better

guns
explosions
knives/all bladed weaponry (Mr. A. Knife... harharhar)
the Red Tent
vocabulary words
monitors/televisions
funny hats
hamburgers
movie/book collection
the FDA recommended serving size
my bank account
my house
my ego
your love for me


Things the smaller the better

I'm from America. We start at "Medium Sized," or "I'd like a salad, please."