Cats

R.O.D. - I HATE CATS. FOREVER. AND EVER. AND EVER.

A foreword apology to those who may be offended.


People always say you have to win a cat's love. wtf? They also say you don't have to with a dog because dogs are stupid, or lazy, or automatically subservient due to eons of inbreeding. I don't know, fill in your own blank, but why would you want to win a cat's love?

(This is a bad analogy.)

Women love assholes. Not the body part (of course), but the typical condescending, "you've got to prove something to me," guy. The guy that you can CHANGE, because he's a CHALLENGE. Notice those things start with a "C," kind of like "cats." Why is this sort of delusion necessary?

So I guess the moral of the story is that Cats are like assholes. You only want their attention because they won't give it to you, and then when you finally get the Cat to admire you marginally, they shit all over your house, in your dryer (wtf!!!), everywhere in the bathroom except for the tub, the sink, or the toilet where it might be easy to clean, in your kitchen cabinets (how'd those fuckers get in there???), and the only decision you're left with is to take them on Maury Povich to figure out why they won't stop shitting on you, or claim the baby you know they're the father of.

(Note: I speak of "shit" metaphorically, of course, as well as the household areas.)


Stay away from all those "cool cats" and you'll live a very happy life.