on songwriting

writer's block is starting to set in for the first time in almost 6 months and panic lead to a cigarette break which lead to me realizing that when i can't write anything, it's because i'm not being honest with myself about my state of mind, of being.

i'm ignoring responsibility. i'm ignoring heartbreak. i'm ignoring possibility. i'm ignoring disappointment. i'm ignoring failure. i'm ignoring success (towards progress and vice versa).

ignorance has left me in limbo and i think that's all writer's block is; self defeat before a concrete thought is formed.

does that make sense? hmm... shut it down.

but maybe i deserve that for a little bit. well, at least it's a good excuse to smoke a few more and drink a few more before blindly passing out on the deck.

My Personal Marxist Philosophy

"These are my principles; if you don't like them, I have others."

~ Groucho Marx

revision

"I hope you feel nicer"

Baby boy, blue eyes; and
beauty stopped by on the doorstep.
Came by, "au revoir, good night, good
times... "

Age is heavy, sometimes, like a coat, and for what we know
we hide in our deepest pockets
a shattered watch with a disabled, swinging latch
from that moment, those moments, time, chance,
and redemption
flew away from us
defeated by the sound of Earth.

We are the harrow upon such foundations, of which we still seek some origin.
Arid, some parts, drenched, some others, and full of fruit,
only beyond the horizon of our weighted shoulders,
but we do not look back. Never look back.

Destiny is soiled when these sodden hands
reach for seeds from tortured wallets, but dear, oh dear,

all great things,

however finite or eternal, infinitesimal or cosmic
have grown from the dirt, and from
good, lukewarm time.

Fear is for the present, it does not exist in the past or in the morning.
And for the six feet we have dug ourselves,
the only thing we can find on the other side
is sunshine.

Funny, what you say,
once the door is closed.

top five reasons to have a list

1.) it gives you boundaries, so you can wrangle in your existence
2.) self-importance
3.) everybody should know how you feel and why you feel the way you feel because you're good enough, you're smart enough, and doggonit, people should like you
4.) easier to decipher than a graph or pie chart
5.) truth needs an outlet

top five things i can live without

political enthusiasts (attention whores)
ink pen caps that pull the off bottom tab so that you can't put the cap back on
the News (FOXnews, especially)
bread
bitches that be naggin'

top five things i cannot live without

air
shorts with pockets (why would you make anything without pockets!!! except shirts, that's tacky)
showers
johnny cash cds
rice

banter

I've decided I'm going to write a million songs in my last semester before i have to graduate and "get a job" as all those "responsible" people like to put it. I just pray it won't all be crap.

Any ideas for a job with a creative writing degree with no experience? "Welcome to LIlly's! Would you like vegan pizza sauce?"


check the myspace for a new song. if it's not up today it'll probably be up by tomorrow. i've been having some trouble. i get hits but i'm beginning to wonder if it's just me checking it every two seconds. it probably is.

http://www.myspace.com/dmxiong

hey somebody has to bolster my ego, even if it's myself.

I have deleted the songs that were on there because I talked and cleared my throat at the beginning of each recording and not only was that annoying, but I was also informed that clearing your throat is not a professional thing to do. It damages your vocal chords. Good thing to know.

But I like the new song. It's different from what I usually write. Which scares me, because I feel like eventually I'll run out of new things to try and do and talk about. It's called "The Bohemian Mama Blues."

Clay and I were talking about a nameless friend of ours who spent her whole summer roaming the beaches of Wilmington purely inspired by her affinity to the coast. Even when she had no shelter she bummed her way around just so she could stay at the beach. I can't remember if I said it or Clay did, but the line that became the title and inspiration for the song was about those on the road blues, bohemian blues, gypsy blues, where you feel like you just have to keep moving to feel alive. We all talk about it but nobody has got the cajones to do it anymore for practicality sake because we all gots to pay the bills. Anyway, the song became something completely different. Maybe a little too political? Eh, I just have a soft spot for the contemporary hippie who tries so hard because I know I could never have that kind of dedication. I want to eat at McDonald's and buy the cheapest pack of Wal-mart brand cola there is and mix it with Aristocrat Rum. And I'm okay with the war as long as gas is cheap, but now, I'm kind of peeved.

You think "hippie," is short for "hypocrite?" Makes sense... doesn't it? Well, then I fit the bill.

But "Them Golden Gate Freedom Blues," which will posted at some point in the near future, is another new song where the misplaced original motivation of "The Bohemian Mama Blues," may have manifested itself. It is also inspired by my courageous, rambling, good friend, Mr. Graham Misenheimer, who has weathered the worst earthquake in the history of the universe, spike lee's joint in brooklyn, strangers couches all across America, and now battles in San Francisco by his own golden gates.

now fucking update your shit muthafucka! NO EXCUSES!

musicking

so i have finally grown big enough cajones to record a song and lame enough to finally myspace it.

http://www.myspace.com/dmxiong



in two weeks, the 4901 sessions begin with the visit of the astute Clay Misenheimer.

i've been lazy.

more old things i can no longer reproduce

halloween

i remember holding hands and
hating it. my mother would
point to the next house, and my older
sister would slide the van door, and we would dart out
like some vast battalion, shedding our shield
hand at the helm of our swords, sometimes
literally, and we had already conquered our greatest
fears, the gauntlet had been vanquished, before our toes
bent the blades of evening dew, and our arms wide open
treasure bestowed upon the valiant, the courageous, the socially adept, and death
defying. and we were good, she would say
to her friends
later on the phone, opposed to the
advertised mischief. and we would pour out all our candy
on the table, she made us, and split it seven ways. even though it
always came out the same way it began, because
who holds prejudice towards seven kids in
homemade costumes and family dollar facepaint? and we'd count it afterwards,
and wonder, why was this
only
once a year, we
would murmur
through chocolate teeth or double
bubble bubbles, candy
corn fangs, caramel
smacks, stuck to the empty
caps, and the independent spaces
wisdom and age had yet to fill. it would never tire, we
decided those nights. candy for a king, candy for a queen. anyone could
live forever, like this. what
Gods
allowed only once
a year
for gluttony, should we
not enjoy everyday, bathe and baske
in
saccharine
glory. did you know
if you cook sugar for
long enough, it turns
gold? we'd sit
on the back porch, the moon was
always nearly full, and discuss
our trite superstitions, and
future predictions, i can't
recall now, and make fun of
each other, in that
circumventing sibling
fashion, that never failed, and never
tarnished
our hidden joys
of our household
company. and we'd be okay, we'd do well, if just
for a couple
of days. before it was back
to drawing
turkeys, and homework
and awaiting
the next
holiday
break. i remember once there were
so many
of us
walking up on to this tiny, concrete
front porch one
halloween, and my sister
julie was on the far left
side, she was one of the first to step up, and after the last
of us
squeezed in for a treat, i can't remember who now, she fell off
the side
into a bush, and we all laughed, but
she cried
a little, and i felt bad, and
so did the lady
who's house we were at
so she handed
julie another
handful and a half
of candy, and said it was the
last
she had, blew us
a kiss, and at the end
of the night
after we had
split
our bags
we each gave
julie back a bit of whatever she
wished to have. a candy
coated
apology, we knew, but
we were happy;
all of us.
and afterwards we
went to the back porch; because
when we were young
the falls
were warmer.

and i do
miss
being young.

bitter-bitter-bitter-ness

the death of an answer

bided time with my toothpick
she was right,
life moves much too quick
for the slow of wit
and i think i saw a fly move
behind her head, drawing breaths
under armpit-wingpit... what must be
overwhelmingly identified
in time, i suppose
she saw me
staring over her head
and muttered something like, "ridiculous"
or "ostensive"-ly something good,
but not so, much more
as it landed in her soup
words of warning escaped my usual soul
and once again, we were proven alone
but the poison-lipped, and the poison sipped,
gave us a right good skip.

when in rome

casablanca


wasted, away


the yellow
reminds me
of this old

clown

fellow, who
knocked on our door
when i was a kid, selling
tricks, a dance, a befuddled
jig, like a plate of fruit
cocktail
about to
slip

my mother always yelled at us for
talking
to him
but these are

my

teeth. my blinking
existence. my loose
bulb
in the arch above some
peeling path

linoleum
curled
up
like some
dying
hand's grasp, when

what is there left
to hold
on

to?

carbon [fucking] anchors away.

kibbles and bits; and/or experimentation with punctuation

frivolous; is a
good word


there is a kingdom

destined
to smite us
all. the pauper, the prince, the girl
at the grocery store
counter who wears a golden cross
upon her apron, subservient for the means
of good will, and good faith.

(Amen)

she needs no Daedalus, no
ulterior denouement, only what is,
what has been, and what will
ultimately be.

but --- here;

the liars and the cheats;
everything labeled and shelved for your convenience
pocketchange for your daily bread and wine
and cheese.

and in their evenings, in their "off" time, they fancy themselves
traveled, worn, whittled to their original
celestial core, and they draw
and they scrawl
all the things they cannot
believe in.

it is full, in between these
horizontal blue and white bars of a
blinking

determination; the
redshift; when will our eyes anchor upon some
soft, sure, stand over here, shore-line

sailors all in search
of a rising isle, dear
reassurance, or the existence of
the nonexistent.


"they will all see..., " he writes, "... soon, ellipses
at the end of all sentences; a cosmic

-- drawl."


and as they speed off, rockets and whistles, sand in some
sluggish hourglass, she stands


safe,
or steadfast

reading does a body good

"In ancient times, people's hearts were direct and straightforward. Because their hearts were direct, their actions were simple, and because things were simple, the words they spoke also were uncomplicated. When emotions rose up in their hearts, they would put them into words and would sing, and they called this "poetry" [uta}. When they sang, they did so directly and with a single heart. Their words were in ordinary, straightforward language, so they flowed and were well ordered without any conscious effort to make them so. Poetry was simply the expression of a single heart, so in the past there was no particular differentiation between those who were poets and those who were not."

- Kamo No Mabuchi on "Poetry" and the way it used to be... well, in Japan and before the 18th Century

He continues...

"When people's hearts became clever, they began to quarrel with one another, so naturally they learned wicked ways, causing society to decline."


Makes me want to sing "why can't we be friends."

today i successfully played a bar chord in the midst of a progression. i can die happy now.

or the power of 1s

gumption. that's a good word.

the power of 11

I can only write 11 things each month. (see side panel for cosmic reference)

I just received notice I've been published in this year's edition of the NC State's Windhover Literary Arts Magazine. It only took me six years and a few minutes of intense motivation for me to click that 'send' button.
Grab a free copy if you can (it is free).

I also got a song put on their audio CD which I shall go ahead and apologize for because a.) the song was not finished, b.) the song may never be finished, and c.) in retrospect, I should have sent nothing. I was desperate for something concrete beyond the walls of my bedroom. I don't even want to hear it. I may burn it, like in a fire, not on to a CD.

Horrible song, we shall make peace soon enough.


But here is what else found it's way to the Windhover.

-----

Why Rabbits Have Holes

They could not resuscitate Mrs. Peachtree.
“It was too late,” the paramedic said, her face
young, but drawn like the flat shade of a window blind,
her eyes down, never up, and when she walked away
her partner whispered to me that it was her first time.

The steps it took to my house around the block,
the ones I had never bothered to count; the trees,
saplings that were younger than me; the gnomes,
grimacing and waving, frozen elf hats in the headwind,
the back of my unzipped jacket ballooned like a paratrooper’s chute.

I left my window open when I sat down in my room,
And opened my notebook to an empty page;
and I could only think of:

three hundred and thirty two.

------

Denouement

You came back for your toothbrush.
Yesterday afternoon,
I told the kids next door
we were watching television.
The plates and pans you packed rang
like a sea of cymbals but softer than our voices.
Some time after the door closes,
I set the tea and light up.
Old cartoon illusions bloom of fairy godmothers
tapping their wands on our noses.
These deep breaths pollute,
orange and black like winded coals;
like our apologies, curling in the furnace.
I used to admire your gumption,
but now I’m dry, like this cough.
Still, like the volume of this idle tea.
Heavy, like the gelatinous murk; the algae at the bottom
of everything, even well meant loose change.
I am the dimming circumference.
A toke, and the smoke unfurls, vaporous opening arms,
but its charm is lost like a new moon.

You came back,
for your toothbrush.

erosion

Paul dragged an axe and left a canyon.
I have dragged myself and -
time, is a novel idea

when you're running out of it.

---

bottom five things ever

expectations
under the skin itches
alarm clocks/clocks in general
melted ice cream
Paris Hilton

top five things ever

trees
starlight
procreation (the act of, not the consequence of)
breakfast cereal
irony